Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Shadow of Doubt
I don't like to talk about this much. But here's the lonely truth. Whenever I make anything, it never fails, there's always a moment in the process when I'm overcome with feelings of doubt about the whole thing. Does it look right? Did I mess it up? Am I making a mistake? Why don't I love it? Should I just scrap the whole thing?
If you've stopped by here within the last week, you probably know that making this quilt left me questioning my decisions at least once. That orange sashing... I don't know... I was SO wobbly about it. And to be truthful, the struggle didn't start with the sashing. This quilt top has been a struggle from the get-go (way back here), and continued to be a struggle to the end.
When I started it, I told myself I wanted to make a quilt top that was beautifully different. I made it as part of a free class so I knew that many people were going to be making a similar one. I decided I was going to push the colour envelope to ensure that my quilt was unique. However, sticking to my weird colour scheme came at a price. All year long as I made my monthly blocks, every time I added a new one to the pile, I was uncertain about the mix of colours, I was uncertain about whether the blocks would complement one another, I was uncertain about whether I could even use them in the same quilt. Month after month I disliked the mix. All that colour!... It wasn't until I had completed the 20th - and last - block that it came together for me. Creating the matrix of blocks (the first photo in this post) was what turned me around. I love that matrix. In that picture, I see the cohesive beauty of these quilt blocks. That matrix makes me glad I stuck to my odd little colour scheme.
And now, since our discussion and since I've attached the purple sashing, I feel better about the whole quilt top. My fears over colour have pretty much evaporated. I have YOU to thank for that.
But all of this uncertainty? It leaves me feeling weary. I wish I was confident for once. Because the truth is, I'm not. I wish I could get through one project without feeling like I don't know what I'm doing. Or should I just accept that if I'm hell bent on taking creative risks (even small colourful ones), then uncertainty will necessarily follow? Is that the key to getting beyond the shadow of this obstinately persistent doubt?